Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
Cain, Susan
New York : Crown Publishers, 2012
Companion website
Companion TED Talk

It took me almost a month to read this book, because I had to keep setting it down and process before coming back to it.

I have spent my entire life apologizing for being an introvert. Apologizing for not being a confident and practiced public speaker; apologizing for needing time to think, time to form thoughts into words. Apologizing for preferring solitary and parallel work to group work. Apologizing for being exhausted by sustained, prolonged social interaction. I’ve always thought of it as a shortcoming, something to overcome. At best, something no fault of my own that just makes everything harder, because that’s the way the world is wired.

Recently, I’ve been pushing back on that. I’ve hit my mid-career stride while making some changes in my personal life; I’m more assertive, more comfortable in my personal competencies, and more ambitious. I’ve begun thinking in terms of crafting a workplace and career path that plays to my strengths. I’ve begun to get really angry at the idea that everyone should, or even can, have the same skills, approach problems the same way. Observe, parse, and process environmental data the same way. Thrive on the same social interactions. I’m tired of being told that if I do enough cold calling, enough cocktail parties, enough public speaking, I’ll eventually enjoy it; that natural charisma and vivaciousness are necessary components of professional success; that I’m not trying hard enough, not engaged enough, not forceful enough . Drive is not the problem. The volume is not the signal.

So I came to this book with the question: is it possible to be a fully-realized, unapologetic, well-adjusted introvert, and a dynamic professional and leader?

Cain says, unequivocally, yes. Alternating with sections about research on the physiology and psychology of temperament, she shares stories – her own story, those of people she interviewed, and those of friends and colleagues. She talks a lot about the road to success, about struggling to fit in, overcoming the social pressure to learn to be outgoing, learning the skills to channel and manage passion and social energy, and finding a place within a profession and a community. If anything, she says, the strengths of introverts manifest with maturity – bookish kids, awkward teens, quietly observant young adults, who make compassionate, thoughtful, skilled leaders and elders. A small social circle with deep bonds carries us through the challenges and learning of our early adulthood, grounds us as we grow into our personal power, and provides a wealth of connections in unexpected and diverse places, as the relationships mean more than whatever common ground we started out with and we move in different directions while still keeping connected.

(I mean. Right now, when I think of my ten or so closest and dearest friends? Most of them are working in various fields connected to social work and advocacy. Except for the one who is working as a small-college administration staffer while also working in local sustainability activism and starting a farm. And the one who is an aspiring writer and entrepreneur. Do these people inform my experience with librarianship? In amazing, unexpected, and profoundly valuable ways.)

I loved everything about this book, but ended it still thinking, okay, so now what? Cain’s approach is expository, not prescriptive, and what concrete advice Cain does offer, she offers to people in power over introverts: bosses, institutional policymakers, teachers, partners – the same kind of advice, for the same audiences, as the graphic at the top of this post. My interest right now is in self-advocacy. So, next up: Jennifer Kahnweiler’s Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference.